“I’m staying home today, I have mood poisoning”
Imagine you accidentally oversleep because your alarm was set for PM instead of AM. You realize you’re late for a very important meeting that you’ve been preparing for weeks. You scramble to orient yourself and get dressed, checking your phone for the time as you bolt out the door. You jump in the car, fasten your seatbelt and realize your tank is almost empty and now have to stop for gas! Why didn’t you fill up on your way home last night; why couldn’t you have taken the time to do it then? Then begins the flood of negative dialogue with yourself; the barrage of criticisms you launch into in an effort to release the tension and the anger you’re currently feeling. It’s safe to say that you’ve officially been put in a bad mood.
I think we all have to agree that after the morning you’ve had, being a little cranky is certainly reasonable. However, the question on deck is whether or not it’s ok to be in a bad mood? It is my belief that we have to give ourselves space to feel our emotions. Regardless if it’s positive or negative, ignoring or pushing our feelings aside only delays the encounter.
In our house we are currently raising two teenage girls and so, needless to say, there is no shortage of mood swings to navigate. Even though the girls manage their emotions quite well, we think it’s important to talk about the power of our moods. We discuss how our moods can affect others, how to recognize when you need a minute to yourself, and when to decide to move on.
In hopes that it may inspire some useful conversations of your own, here are a few examples of how these talks unfold in our home.
How does my mood affect others?
When we decide to settle into our bad mood, regardless of how we got there, it changes the energy for those around us. If you choose to stew in your feelings by crossing your arms and remaining stoic at the dinner table, you force everyone around you to work to restore the pleasant balance expected and appreciated during a family gathering. Quite frankly it’s selfish. You are choosing your bad mood over the peace and comfort of those around you. So if you find that you need the space to address your feelings, that’s perfectly fine, just take it elsewhere.
How to recognize when you need a minute to yourself?
Sometimes it’s hard to see a bad mood coming. It starts with several tiny things, which quickly accumulate and result in a general feeling of irritation. If you find that you are feeling as though nothing can go right, it may be a good idea to hit pause and take a minute. We have a couple of simple tricks we utilize to reset. We take a shower. There is something so therapeutic about a shower. You’re alone, there’s calming ambient noise, and the warm water naturally relaxes your muscles and thoughts. If you don’t have time for a shower, pop in your headphones and listen to some music. Choose whatever music will help you feel whatever it is you want to feel in that moment. We’re also are not opposed to borrowing a page from Meredith Grey’s book and dancing it out. If you peak through the window at our house and see girls bouncing around and singing, it’s best to steer clear; we’re working through something.
When to make the decision to move forward?
My mom used to say, “Be in the bad mood, embrace the pity party, but set a timer. Know when it’s time for it to be over and don’t let it determine your day.” I think that’s some of the wisest advice I’ve ever received. After all, we are in control and get to choose how we want to feel. So when we recognize that we are in a bad mood, call it out. I usually say something like “hey guys, just FYI I have a super short fuse right now; it has nothing to do with you, but I am going to need a minute.” This way my family knows that how I’m feeling isn’t their fault or responsibility; it’s all mine. When I’m ready to rejoin the world, I take a deep breath, perhaps drink a glass of water, and make an effort to smile.
The dark days will always be there, we can’t run or hide from them, but I truly believe we can find a way to effectively manage them. Choose your mood or it just might choose you.
– Megan
